ON THE ROAD TO IMMORTALITY
(…tracking down the Methusalah gene)

A recent 60 Minutes program featured a futurist glimpse of what bio-scientists are up to these days. They’re suggesting that, thanks to accelerating technologies in the medical and nutritional sciences, we humans may soon be on the road to immortality, because, they’re rapidly tracking down and closing in on something they call….the Methusalah gene.

Intriguing as that may be, the prospect isn’t all that appealing, frankly, unless of course they can also ensure a corresponding quality upgrade in our physical and mental capacities to go along with such life-extending developments. And a critical consideration for that might be what George Gershwin’s lyrics for the song – It Ain’t Necessarily So – of his Porgy and Bess musical….have to say about it. That is: “Methusalah lived nine hundred years, but who calls that livin’ when no woman will give in, to no man that’s nine hundred years!”. Then again, old George missed the other aspect of that question…. For a man who’s nine hundred years old…what’s the cut off age for his women when he won’t think of them as ….hot young chicks….anymore?

And if we think our planet is overpopulated now (7 Billion and counting), what would be the environmental impacts from such life-extending developments? As Mr. Malthus pointed out so many decades ago…not very bloody damn good, that’s for sure! So humanity will have to now come up with some new ideas to deal with it, if the quality of life is to be maintained here on Earth.

The most obvious thing that comes to mind is just to adapt the script scenario from an old film called –Soylent Green – . In that story, when folks reached a certain age they were ceremoniously “terminated”…and converted into nutritious little green cubes for the younger one left behind.

In this situation, however, instead of being “terminated”, our version would have folks reaching say…100 years old… “expatriated”, to colonize other planets in other star systems. Given the time-distances for such voyages to those worlds, extended-life humans would be the perfect candidates for such voyages, especially, if they were put into some kind of hibernating state so as to arrive in relatively “young” condition at their destinations.

Meanwhile, back here, the remaining young Earthlings would be free to indulge themselves in sex, drugs, and rock and roll, as they became a new “incubator” society for our galaxy. Of course, to be sustainable such a scenario would need to:

a)    Ensure that our “expat export” rate would be at least double that of our “propagation” rate here on Earth, and,

b)    Produce a sufficiently continuous output and launching of appropriate space craft for that purpose. The question for these being whether they should be similar to our big container cargo ships of today, filled with pods of hibernated humans; or, rather, more along the lines of our modern day cruise ships, with all the amenities of a Starship Enterprise instead?

Well, as someone who is fast approaching that 100 year “expat” deadline, I’m beginning to consider making advance reservations to have my ‘druthers for a nice suite on board one of those fancy Starship Enterprise type space craft. And I’m willing to pay a “premium” for the privilege of travelling in such grand style.

So, since we both have French connections….does anyone know Captain Jean-Luc Picard’s private contact number?

CENTURION