A REALITY-DOCU-DRAMA-SOAP OPERA
(political warfare….San Francisco style)

For the past half-year the citizens of Fog City by the Bay have been titillated, if not entertained, by what seems to be a reality-docu-drama-soap opera production concerning a “domestic violence” episode involving the recently elected Sheriff of San Francisco County, Ross Mirkarimi. It’s the kind of production which illustrates how San Francisco politics perfectly resemble a blood-sport.

Which is nothing new in the city’s past history; but, compared to previous productions of outrageous political shenanigans of one kind or another, liberally laced with whatever salacious bits of scandal available at those times, this one seems rather tame, if not lame, by comparison.

Nevertheless, for this current production, the cast of characters involved are doing a modestly credible effort of living up to that past history’s standards. Perhaps not quite on par with – Hugger Mugger at the Louvre- but definitely not far from being a – Keystone Cops – one. The leading cast of actors being:

THE SHERIFF – Played by former Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi, performing with flair the role of a matinee-idol control freak type with anger management issues, and dedicated political rival to another former Supervisor, when both were on that Board.

How being a former Supervisor qualified him to be Sheriff, the highest law enforcement position for the county is a puzzlement; but then, this is San Francisco, and that’s what the voters there chose for it, proving, once again, that democracy allows folks to vote – dumb – as well as smart.

THE MAYOR – Played by former Supervisor Ed Lee, as an avuncular “Honest Ed” type who, when the previous mayor Newsom abandoned his post to become Lt. Governor of California, found himself appointed “interim mayor” by his peers on the Board, because all of them were wannabe mayors (including Mirkarimi), and couldn’t agree on any other choice for that temporary job. So, Honest Ed accepted the honor after swearing on a stack of Chinese and American bibles, that he would not run against them to fill the full term for that office which was now up for grabs.

But, behind the scenes maneuvers by other political movers and shakers, somehow, managed to convince him otherwise, so he reneged on that oath, ran, and became the first Chinese-American Mayor of the city. Given its past history with that community, that result made it an historic event, thereby adding an extra ration of fire crackers for the post-election Chinese New Year’s festivities that followed it.

THE SHERIFF’S WIFE-  Played by Eliana Lopez, a sultry former Venezuelan beauty queen cum model and novella pop-star, now starring as the trophy wife of the presumed rising Mirkarimi political star.

Reportedly a love match, the somewhat volatile and contentious relationship between their clashing personalities is what led to the event which launched this public exposure about their private life. Her misguided trust in a neighbor and BFGF has had her playing a rather schizoid role of both abused wife and staunch husband defender, leaving most folks more confused than convinced about her performance…as either.

THE BFGF – Played by a woman of the lawyerly persuasion (though not actually Bar certified) as the main incendiary lighting the fuse that set off the subsequent train of events in this reality-docu-drama-soap opera production, a key feature of which being to make a video clip of a weepy Sheriff’s wife displaying a large bruise on her right arm. The apparent motive for that being to have sympathy evidence for any future custody battle over her son (the basic factor behind all these contorted maneuvers).

LEAKY-PEDIA – Played by a person, or persons, unknown, although suspected of being the wife’s BFGF, or even the wife herself. In any event, its leakage set off a media frenzy, which brought out the gendarmes into the mix, to be soon followed by the DA’s office, which filed charge against the Sheriff, who then found himself hauled into court, and forced to plead to a misdemeanor offense, or face more serious ones.

At which point, the newly elected mayor and political rival seized that opportunity to suspend the Sheriff from his office (without pay); then, with a slick Pontius Pilot move to keep his political hands “clean”, referred the whole redolent mess to the Ethics Commission for final resolution of the matter. Honest Ed was playing his mayoral role with panache.

BIT PLAYERS AND EXTRAS – Too many to list them all here, but these include various media Chihuahuas, several defense legal beagles, Supervisor snitches, other DA office minions, and assorted supporters of the Sheriff, the Sheriff’s wife, and the Mayor, a truly motley crew, all performing complex gavottes and pavanes of agendas and motives, with plots and counter plots, including accusations of collective perjuries, and murky bomb threats which, somehow, never materialized, etc., etc.. A script hardly to be equaled by the best any Hollywood screen writers might be able to come up with.

Well, that’s how things stand with this blockbuster production at the moment, as everyone now awaits with great anticipation for the Ethics Commission ruling. But no matter which way things go, we can bet that this won’t be the last we’ll hear of this story. Much like the Rocky, or the Rambo franchises, it is quite likely to continue with many more episodes. After all, it’s political warfare….San Francisco style!

CENTURION