THE DIETARY GENESIS OF HEALTH CARE IN AMERICA…
(…’cause that’s how the devil did it for us…)

This may seem like just another case of revisionist gospel, but it does perhaps better explain about how our health care system came to be here…in America.

Well, after God had finished with all his creative work, the Earth still looked kind of bare and unappealing, so he decided to cover it with all kinds of heart-healthy things like spinach greens, broccoli, carrots, etc., so that both Man and Woman could continue to thrive and multiply.

But his first angel, Lucifer, the ringleader of an attempted heavenly coup d’etat against him, having been foiled in that attempt, demoted, renamed Satan, and then banished from Heaven, was still sulking and in a revengeful mood about it. Thus, seeing all this wonderfully created new stuff, he decided to sabotage such efforts as best he could, by enticing Man and Woman with his own creations.

Very quickly he therefor came up with delicious concoctions to counter all those healthy things, calling these…Jelly Donuts…and Cheese Danishes…which proved irresistible, with Man exclaiming…”Great goodies!”…and Woman oohing and aahing… “Deelicious!”…and before long both had gained a good fifty pounds.

Seeing this, God then tried to overcome their lack of will power to resist such temptations and came up with all kinds of sweet tasting and healthy fruits such as apples, oranges, bananas, pears, berries, etc., instead.

But Satan swiftly countered that by coming up with the…Double Cheeseburger and Chili Dog…the alluring odors of these once again seducing Man and Woman from that healthy path…and leading both to pounce on these with great delight. Before they knew it, both had doubled in weight.

Much distraught by the way Man and Woman were so easily lured by such creations, God then tried to deliver them carefully planned diet regimens, jogging, and Jane Fonda jazzercize tapes, and other assorted health promoting work-outs. But Satan, ever watchful, countered all of that with…Creamed-filled Cup Cakes and…Ice Cream…which drove both Man and Woman into frenzies of delight…as Satan smiled and asked… “would you like some Sprinkles with those?”…to which Man and Woman exclaimed…”Absolutely!”…and lo…both were soon well on their way to diabetes and obesity,

Unwilling to let his wayward creations completely fall for such Satanic maneuvers, God then came up with a more effective way to guide them toward healthy habits by producing the…Food Group Pyramid…hoping thereby to make it easier for them to learn how to stay healthy with such things as granola bars, yogurt and other low-fat milk products, multi-grained cereals, sugar substitutes, lean meats…and fish.

Satan, however, then slyly subverted all that by devising…Chicken Fried Steaks…big as platters…Deep Fried Coconut Shrimps…Barbecued Ribs…and Buffalo Wings…which drove Man and Woman into berserk spasms of gluttony…and when he asked…” You want a side order of Fries with these?”…both exclaimed…”Oh my, yes…and supersize them!”… and in no time at all both Man and Woman were soon forced to only wear stretch jogging clothes to cover their avoir-du-pois increase in size.

Satan then decided to double down on all this skullduggery by inventing the remote control for their TVs, which further led them into becoming…Couch Potatoes…and ultimately… prime candidates for…cardiac arrest.

God of course was very unhappy with all these developments so, to salvage the situation, he immediately came up with state of the art technologies for…Bypass and Heart Transplant surgery…to save his creations.

But Satan, refusing to concede the struggle, came right back at him by creating… HMO’s… and…Government Sponsored Health Care Programs…and that’s the dietary genesis of our health care system here in America…’cause that’s how the devil did it for us…just so he could create…Hell…here on Earth.

CENTURION